Valentine’s Day tends to come with a very specific message about love:

Romantic, visible, effortless and usually centred on couples. If that doesn’t reflect your life at present this time of year can feel awkward, heavy or quietly disappointing. That doesn’t mean you’re doing love wrong. It usually means the story we tell about love is too narrow.

Love shows up in lots of different ways. For some people it’s big gestures and celebration. For others it’s consistency, shared routines, practical care or quiet time together. Many people experience love less as excitement and more as safety, not having to apologise or feel guilty for: Being yourself, changing plans or being able to rest and have your needs respected.

Valentine’s Day can sometimes bring up comparison, loneliness or grief. For example, if you’re single, recovering from a difficult relationship, feeling burnt out or just feeling out of step with what’s being celebrated. Feeling disconnected from the day doesn’t make you negative or ungrateful, it can simply mean the story society tells us about love doesn't match your experience.

It's worth remembering that love isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It exists in friendships, our chosen family and communities, with our pets, meaningful interests and the small supports that help us feel grounded and understood.

When we widen our definition, more people get to feel included. Self-love is often talked about as confidence or positivity but for many people it looks quieter than that. It might mean honouring your limits, asking for support, choosing rest or letting go of the idea that you need to fix yourself to be worthy of care.

This Valentine’s Day, there’s no right way to take part. You can celebrate it, simplify it, redefine it or ignore it completely. Love isn’t measured by flowers or posts but measured by whether people feel seen, respected and safe.

This kind of love matters all year round.